Bowling too fast, lights too dim, eyes too old……….

Can you guess how we did?

Bournemouth F v Poole Town E

Well, I say we…. But the first thing I would like to do is point out that I had been outrageously dropped for this game so it was nothing to do with me……….

Although being honest, not so much dropped as more that there are a few chaps who would like a game for the team so we rotate and take turns, the captain had even ‘dropped’ himself for this game. Although the point that the ensuing debacle had nothing to do with me still holds.

The team for this game:

Quick Single (w)

Mr LBW

Wizard

Ballerina

Aghh, me back

Weirdly the Wife (c)

El Presidente was due to have played but dropped out at the last minute faking claiming injury. He tried to claim that he had ‘pulled a hammy’ which was widely disbelieved as the last time anyone could remember him having done any exercise strenuous enough to actually cause such an injury was in 1997 when last orders was called at The Worlds End pub  on a night of ‘giving it large’ in Camden; attempting to get from the upstairs seating area to the bar he knackered his hamstring which meant that it largely curtailed his dance floor action in the Electric Ballroom later that night. On the plus side he was replaced by Quick Single, who had opened the batting and topped the scoring in the first game, so that must be good news for the batting line up eh?

Poole won the toss and elected to bat. ‘Ah, me back’ opened the bowling and managed to get through his 3 overs without breaking down, which must be some sort of record. After the game, he talked dark things about exercise and have a ‘personal trainer’, which although is not against the rules of the team, certainly seems to be against the spirit. All the Bournemouth bowlers bowled steadily and we regularly took wickets and didn’t go for too many runs. In this though it must be said that we were helped by the Poole bats. Wizards first ball was a wicket, a thigh high full toss clothed straight to a fielder. Mr LBW joyfully bowled wides that the bats obligingly got the bat to for dot balls. One ball that could have be left for a wide  was instead gently chipped to a fielder for a wicket. After taking 5 wickets though we could not finish the deal and they had one bat go on to score 71, at a steady but not crushing pace. Poole ended up on 157 for 5, which was only one more than our opponents in the last game and we chased that down easily enough, so the gentlemen players of the Lion Kings thought that they were well in with a shout.

The highlight of the Poole innings for me was on one ball where several fielders swopped to stop a single. More or less after the action had finish, Ballerina then threw himself to the floor in the vague direction of the ball like Jurgen Klinsmen throwing himself down in the opposition box. After sheepishly getting himself to his feet (almost completely unaided) he started darkly muttering about his trousers. If you ever let your children play cricket, be aware that it can lead to some very strange places. Still, what can you expect from a bloody Tottenham fan eh?

So, The Lion Kings turn to bat and out go Quick Single and Mr LBW to open as in the last game, same total to chase, why change a winning formula? Problem here being the opposition had a say in it. The opening bowler, was er, surprisingly fast  for division 7, with the two bats struggling to see the ball. Mr LBW did however manage to get a nick on one ball through to the keeper, which was a good effort to get his named changed but it will take more than one dismissal for that. Wizard then came in but was beaten for pace – top of middle being hit. All this being done before the end of the third over. This brought Ballerina to the wicket, one of the few players in the league that could rival Quick Single for speed and athleticism between the wickets………

So, the end of the third over, only 21 for 3, Quick Single decides that his super power must be used. Forth ball of the over, Ballerina hits the ball almost straight to  a fielder – ‘yes’ shouts Quick Single, Ballerina, looking confused starts off to the other end. He must have made it at least half way before being run out…. Still, in comes Argh me back, probably the youngest and fittest member of the squad (when his back is working….). Game on, youthful vigour and power injected into the batting. Next ball, Quick Single plays the ball almost straight to a fielder, shouts yes and hobbles off. Argh Me Back, looking surprised leaps into action and to be fair must have made it at least two thirds of the way before being run out. After this, things do not really get any better and we are all out for 55.

Any positives from the game? Well, first off, did I mention that I was not playing? Nothing to do with me Guv’nor. I even got to say things like ‘don’t worry lads, just one of those days’ with convincing false sincerity. Bowling wise, we did ok, just as good as in our first game which was a relatively straightforward win. Batting wise, we came across a couple of bowlers that were just too good for us and it was surprising to see playing in the bottom division  - wotcha gunna do? Seeing how effective Poole’s bowling was in the weakest team they are putting out this season, they should be dominating higher up the leagues.  

How am I judging the season so far? With one win and one loss that puts us firmly on course for

Dominating the league as champions

Making a push for promotion

Mid table mediocrity

Fighting our way out of the bottom

Doomed to ignominy  

So, a decentish start I would say?

 

 Scorecard