The Chances of Anyone Coming To Hurn, Were A Million To one He Said

But Still, They Come………

Da da dur, da la la, da la la, dur dur, dur dur, dur da dur da dur daaaa

Alien Invasion

Bournemouth F v Christchurch F

Now, I start with this quote for two reasons. The first is that when the line came into my head driving to Hurn it gave me happy memories of a 1970s childhood. I think it was Callaghan’s government in 1978 that passed a law that all British households should have a cupboard containing three items. The first obviously being a copy of the ‘War of the Worlds’ double album, complete with lovely booklet. The second being a copy of the game ‘ Matermind’, with box artwork of bloke with weird beard sat down steepling his  fingers with a young East Asian lady sort of draping herself behind him with a ‘I really don’t want to fucking be here’ look on her face. 

Who thought this picture was a good idea?

The third thing of course being a copy of Twister, complete with box art containing flared trousers. While I don’t think it was ever a legal requirement to also have a copy of the game ‘Operation’, most people did just to be on the safe side.

The other reason being that the game was on a Thursday evening, allegedly starting at 8.15 (actual start time may and probably will differ from that advertised). After a full day at work, then an early evening running my offspring around to and from various girlfriends, dance studio’s and other things, I was not fully in the mood for a game of cricket. I was more fully in the mood for a cup of tea and a nice sit down. Still, I had the honour of being selected so girded my loins, (whatever they are*) and drove up to Hurn, wondering if there were any of my teammates thinking the same thoughts of comfort and relaxation. But no! When I got there, the entire team assembled in a line on the balcony watching Humber play the most incredible innings of his life before leading his team to inevitable defeat……..

So, the team for this instalment of ‘Bournemouth Gentlemen Play Indoor Cricket’ is:

Wizard

Cricketing God

Weirdly the Wife

El Presidente  

Argh Me Back

Mr Hoopy

With Mr Hoopy, not only playing his first game for the Bournemouth Gentlemen Pensioners but I believe his first game of indoor cricket ever. Our opposition today was Christchurch F, and contained a couple of players that were of a standard that it was surprising to see them playing in Division 7 but hey, whatcha gunna do?

Bournemouth lose the toss and get put into bat, with Wizard and Cricket God going out first. I am then reminded how much hard work and fast paced indoor cricket can be. At the non strikers end there are 5 balls in a row which are not runs but I am backing up proper as I should be and then have to run back. On the sixth ball we run through for a quick single and then I have to go back as it’s the end of the over. So one over in, I have faced no balls and am already out of breath……

Still, the openers do well, scoring 62 of the first 4 overs without losing a wicket which is a very decent start. The Christchurch bowler performance then picks up with only 25 runs coming of the next four overs, helped in a large part to their 2 very good bowlers entering the attack. We also lose a couple of wickets due to the bats trying to manufacture runs (as they should do).  We pick up the scoring a bit in the last 4 overs to finish on 135 / 3. A total that is helped by 14 wides being bowled for 42 wides scored. Upon checking I found that out of the 24 balls I face in the innings, 10 of them were wides. Which meant that I scored 26 runs off of 14 balls and that my team scored 30 runs off of the 10 balls that were called wide. Which means I am of more use as a batsman to my team when I am not actually able to hit the ball. Some sort of lesson there that I probably don’t want to think about too much……..

Going out to field we are all probably thinking the same thing ‘135 isn’t enough’, but no one says it and we set to work. The first four overs are bowled, no wickets are taken and go for 50 runs. Which is a decent amount less than the opening overs of Bournemouth’s innings but still more than good enough considering the run rate. The 5^th and 6^th overs rattle through with no wickets falling and a ‘good enough’ run rate. It is the next two overs though that have the potential to turn the game. Mr Hoopy bowls the 7^th and only goes for one run, takes a wicket and there is also a run out. Wizard bowls the 8^th that only goes for 4 runs. This leaves the innings at 77 / 2 after 8 overs and the game in the balance, as Christchurch are now behind the run rate required but have four wickets in hand, nip and tuck this....... Looking to push on the score a wicket falls in each of the next three overs leaving the game at 115 / 5 with one over to go. 21 needed to win with only 1 wicket to go, probably advantage Bournemouth. But, that one wicket is a very good bat and as last man standing will get to face all the balls. On the other hand, no dots can be afforded so they will have to run every ball. Through the vagaries of who got out when the runner at the other end is the most veteran of Christchurch’s players (with a similar age profile of the Bournemouth team). He is therefore the player that Christchurch would least want as the non striking runner. The game is duly wrapped up in the second ball of the over when the runner can’t make his ground and is run out.  

A game that I thoroughly enjoyed, it was nip and tuck all the way through against high quality opponents where we came out with a win. The most pleasing aspect was the team spirit, no one panicked, everyone stayed cheerful and positive until we managed to force the win.

Scorecard

How would I grade the season so far? I am still going with:

Dominating the league as champions

Making a push for promotion

Mid table mediocrity

Fighting our way out of the bottom

Doomed to ignominy  

 

Yes, we are sitting pretty in third but we have a pattern of win one lose one so far which is the very definition of mid table. This is also an improvement on last year – mid table being something to aim for at the moment rather than something to be despised. I am also reminded of those few enjoyable seasons when Tottenham start the season well. Why as an Arsenal fan do I enjoy this? Well, you get loads of Tottenham fans coming on phone ins spouting off about how Tottenham are going to push for the title this year and that they are bolted on for Champions League football. All the while you can hear that tone of soulless despair and grim self hate in their voice that gives away the fact that they know the truth of the situation no matter how much they try to hide from it. Sure enough, come February they are talking about putting a run together which means they may just be able to scrape into the Uefa Cup. So, I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself and am still going with ‘a good start towards getting 40 points’, rather than ‘in the hunt for promotion’.

 

*And if you can tell me exactly how to gird them, I may be vaguely interested.

 

 

 Bowling too fast, lights too dim, eyes too old……….

Can you guess how we did?

Bournemouth F v Poole Town E

Well, I say we…. But the first thing I would like to do is point out that I had been outrageously dropped for this game so it was nothing to do with me……….

Although being honest, not so much dropped as more that there are a few chaps who would like a game for the team so we rotate and take turns, the captain had even ‘dropped’ himself for this game. Although the point that the ensuing debacle had nothing to do with me still holds.

The team for this game:

Quick Single (w)

Mr LBW

Wizard

Ballerina

Aghh, me back

Weirdly the Wife (c)

El Presidente was due to have played but dropped out at the last minute faking claiming injury. He tried to claim that he had ‘pulled a hammy’ which was widely disbelieved as the last time anyone could remember him having done any exercise strenuous enough to actually cause such an injury was in 1997 when last orders was called at The Worlds End pub  on a night of ‘giving it large’ in Camden; attempting to get from the upstairs seating area to the bar he knackered his hamstring which meant that it largely curtailed his dance floor action in the Electric Ballroom later that night. On the plus side he was replaced by Quick Single, who had opened the batting and topped the scoring in the first game, so that must be good news for the batting line up eh?

Poole won the toss and elected to bat. ‘Ah, me back’ opened the bowling and managed to get through his 3 overs without breaking down, which must be some sort of record. After the game, he talked dark things about exercise and have a ‘personal trainer’, which although is not against the rules of the team, certainly seems to be against the spirit. All the Bournemouth bowlers bowled steadily and we regularly took wickets and didn’t go for too many runs. In this though it must be said that we were helped by the Poole bats. Wizards first ball was a wicket, a thigh high full toss clothed straight to a fielder. Mr LBW joyfully bowled wides that the bats obligingly got the bat to for dot balls. One ball that could have be left for a wide  was instead gently chipped to a fielder for a wicket. After taking 5 wickets though we could not finish the deal and they had one bat go on to score 71, at a steady but not crushing pace. Poole ended up on 157 for 5, which was only one more than our opponents in the last game and we chased that down easily enough, so the gentlemen players of the Lion Kings thought that they were well in with a shout.

The highlight of the Poole innings for me was on one ball where several fielders swopped to stop a single. More or less after the action had finish, Ballerina then threw himself to the floor in the vague direction of the ball like Jurgen Klinsmen throwing himself down in the opposition box. After sheepishly getting himself to his feet (almost completely unaided) he started darkly muttering about his trousers. If you ever let your children play cricket, be aware that it can lead to some very strange places. Still, what can you expect from a bloody Tottenham fan eh?

So, The Lion Kings turn to bat and out go Quick Single and Mr LBW to open as in the last game, same total to chase, why change a winning formula? Problem here being the opposition had a say in it. The opening bowler, was er, surprisingly fast  for division 7, with the two bats struggling to see the ball. Mr LBW did however manage to get a nick on one ball through to the keeper, which was a good effort to get his named changed but it will take more than one dismissal for that. Wizard then came in but was beaten for pace – top of middle being hit. All this being done before the end of the third over. This brought Ballerina to the wicket, one of the few players in the league that could rival Quick Single for speed and athleticism between the wickets………

So, the end of the third over, only 21 for 3, Quick Single decides that his super power must be used. Forth ball of the over, Ballerina hits the ball almost straight to  a fielder – ‘yes’ shouts Quick Single, Ballerina, looking confused starts off to the other end. He must have made it at least half way before being run out…. Still, in comes Argh me back, probably the youngest and fittest member of the squad (when his back is working….). Game on, youthful vigour and power injected into the batting. Next ball, Quick Single plays the ball almost straight to a fielder, shouts yes and hobbles off. Argh Me Back, looking surprised leaps into action and to be fair must have made it at least two thirds of the way before being run out. After this, things do not really get any better and we are all out for 55.

Any positives from the game? Well, first off, did I mention that I was not playing? Nothing to do with me Guv’nor. I even got to say things like ‘don’t worry lads, just one of those days’ with convincing false sincerity. Bowling wise, we did ok, just as good as in our first game which was a relatively straightforward win. Batting wise, we came across a couple of bowlers that were just too good for us and it was surprising to see playing in the bottom division  - wotcha gunna do? Seeing how effective Poole’s bowling was in the weakest team they are putting out this season, they should be dominating higher up the leagues.  

How am I judging the season so far? With one win and one loss that puts us firmly on course for

Dominating the league as champions

Making a push for promotion

Mid table mediocrity

Fighting our way out of the bottom

Doomed to ignominy  

So, a decentish start I would say?

 

 Scorecard

 

 

 

 

 

So, the first game of the season. I can go into a bit more detail of the games for the indoor season as they are a lot shorter. This write up is a couple of weeks after the game, which means I have probably forgotten some details. This is a good thing as I am more than happy to ignore the facts and make up any details that make me feel happy so I feel even less guilty about that if I can’t remember the truth anyhow.

 As I will be commenting on individual performances I will be referring people by an alias to protect the guilty. So the team for this game was;

Quick Single

Mr LBW

Wizard

Weirdly the Wife

Cricketing God

El Gran Capitan 

Team Photo

The Parley team was had a makeup that is not unusual for the lower divisions, a couple of gentlemen that could be described as ‘veterans’ and the rest a bunch of young lads just starting to play with adults. As I went downstairs one of the said young lads greeted me with a ‘Hello Mr Worsdale’, great. I had spent part of last year as his history teacher so he had a good grasp of the development of British democracy. Ah, to feel old…. Parley won the toss and elected to bat.

The Lion Kings (LKs) Captain opened the attack with the left arm guile of the Cricketing God and the tricky medium pace of El Gran Capitan himself. To the surprise and wonder of all present (including himself) Cricketing God bowled a couple of very useful overs, so his captain decided to push it and get him to bowl a third, this was a little more wayward but after the three overs he had only gone for 11 an over – very tidy. El Gran Capitan was not his usual soft shoe shuffle accurate self and went for just over 14s for his 3 – not a disaster mind. The Wizard and MR LBW did not badly followed by the silky loopy off spin of Weirdly the Wife, getting two wickets in his three overs for 36. Parley ended up on 156. Which when look at through my reasoning of 120 is absolute minimum, not really enough, 150 is decent and 180 is good, this put the score smack bang in the ‘game on’ zone.  

Quick Single and Mr LBW opened the batting for the LKs. Quick Single retired, with everyone a bit confused about how he had not managed to run either himself or his batting partner out (he does have form). Mr LBW lost his wicket, well it was plumb really, probably would have hit two thirds up middle. The rest of the batting line up came in and all performed more than up to standard, regularly getting bat on ball into a space, and running well, with a 4 for ‘wall plus a run’ coming regularly. We surprisingly chased the total down in the 11^th over, with eight balls remaining, which for indoor cricket is a lot.

I think the young lads of Parley played well, but were batting and bowling well with ‘proper outdoor’ cricketing technique. This does not work so well indoors. What is a glorious stroke for outdoor cricket ends up bouncing of the wall and coming back to the middle so a run can’t be taken. A good ball outside off for a dot in outdoor cricket becomes a gentle push into a gap for an easy 4 indoors. As they have only ever played other young lads indoors they have not yet developed indoor ‘nous’ so playing a bunch of experienced, decrepit oldies was probably a harder start for them than it look. But these first games are all about learning for them and learn I am sure they will.  

Still one game and one win which means we are well on the way to

Dominating the league as champions

Making a push for promotion

Mid table mediocrity

Fighting our way out of the bottom

Doomed to ignominy  

Next game is up at the weekend with squad rotation happening meaning that half the team has been dropped, no pressure on those coming in…………..

 

Bugger me, a new blog post!

But just as half arsed as all the others.......

OK, well, a dark cold evening, the rain is falling and there is a cricket blog post, what gives? I was intending to carry on the blog about the indoor season, but looking at the gap between the last post and this one it seems my enthusiasm was waning, the long warm days of summer yore are gone. However, due to the massive amount of people* asking if I was going to carry on the blog and encouraging me to do so, I thought I would indeed make the effort.

Ah yes, the eagle eyed amongst you may have noticed the term ‘indoor season’. For those of you that know about indoor cricket, no introductions necessary. If you don’t, a brief guide. The games are played at the indoor cricket centre at Hurn – a photo of a game in progress below……….

 

OK, it may not be an actual photo, more an artist’s impression…… Games last roughly an hour and are played between teams of six people in a sports hall sized building and an innings is 12 overs. It sort of plays like a cross between cricket and pin ball and I really enjoy it. Makes for a pleasant evening – turn up on time to find out just how delayed your game will be, wait, play, go to bar, chat shit, go home, have loving partner do her best to pretend that she is in any way interested in the result of the game, cup of tea, shower, bed, done.

Now the exciting bit of news for the indoor season is that I have turned my coat and will be playing for a different club – namely Bournemouth ‘F’ team, aka the Lion Kings. I would like to reassure my legion of fans that came to watch me play for Winton last season that this is not a permanent deal. It is the team I played last winter and has the recruitment rule that in the words of the captain ‘you need to be at least 40 and be able to stand unaided’. A thoroughly nice bunch of chaps they are too and lots of fun to play with. It also has the bonus that as there are no youngsters in the team I only have to worry about managing my own emotions – you know how precious 20 year olds can get…….

There are quite a few over 40 chaps that are available, although the ‘able to stand unaided’ is a bar that quite a few only just manage to get over, for this reason we are in the bottom division. The target for the team is ‘don’t come last in the league and therefore be the worst indoor team in Dorset’, which you would think would not be to difficult but meh, we shall see how that pans out………

*OK, ’massive amounts of people’ may be hyperbole but I can honestly say that the amount of people that have asked if the blog is going to carry on is almost certainly a plural number……